He is digging deeper and deeper within me as a person. Makes me wonder what I'm being ultimately prepared for. I've been in a real funk the past couple weeks. I can't say enough about reading my Bible daily and the support of my mentor through this. Something has been brought to the surface that needs to be dealt with. There is a reason for this. It's just another to die even more to myself and get even closer to Him. It's just a struggle that even my bullheadedness won't start me in the direction that I need to go. My brain on it's own won't show me what I need to do. It's all God. Speaking of my brain... it normally goes a million miles an hour non-stop. Though recently it seems to have been coasting. Even to the point where I have heard myself breathing and chewing. It's been refreshing actually. So dear Father... it's all You. I've hit the "Be still" place... now I'm waiting to see "and know I'm God" part in this.
I was listening to my Skillet cd last night in my car. These lyrics seem to explain this place...
"Comatose "
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
Chorus:
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I hate living without You
Dead wrong to ever doubt You
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore You
Oh how I thirst for You
Oh how I need You
Bridge: Breathing life
Waking up my eyes
Open up
Don't leave me alone
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