09/01/08 Journal entry...
What an interesting several days. How sad it is that we are born sinners with fallen fleshly bodies. This will only be completely restored when we get to heaven.
To find out that someone has a mental illness. This is brutal for me at the moment coming to this realization. Especially since they fully believe that they are thinking rationally. To the point where you begin to question your own observations.
To not be able to communicate my deepest love, concern, compassion and care. This is brutal.
To not know how to offer support because the door is slammed shut.
To lay hands on them gently in prayer as you have done countless times before. Instead of comfort being received, anger is expressed as your loved one bolts away. Ouch.
To know that medical help is needed and probably has been needed for years... but how does a person with this kind of illness realize this fact when they have no use for doctors?
Research is invaluable at this moment.
Prayer is invaluable at this moment.
How can you convey to someone that you love, that because of this knowledge, in no way do you think that they are a lesser person. Nor a lesser Christian.
Instead your heart goes out to them as you consider all of the pain this has caused them in their life.
All of the pain that this has unintentionally caused their friends and family over the years.
You won't abandon them. If you did then you should abandon a diabetic friend just because their body doesn't secrete enough insulin to keep them healthy. It's not rational to abandon a friend nor will it happen.
Walks, exercise, activity. Discovering how beneficial it is to go on walks with a hurting/ ill friend. But how? When such a drastic barrier has been constructed.
Oh, how this insight has made sense of interactions over the years. If only I would have known earlier. I could have been a better friend. A friend where needed most.
This is not a weakness in my friend.
This is not a lack of faith.
This is an illness.
To be honest this is one of the hardest things I have faced. BUT ironically because of who this person is in healthier times... I have grown so much in my Christian walk that oddly enough, I am handling this.
As I write, I do want to cry. How I long to wrap my arms around my friend, kiss their forehead and embrace them. Just to be able to let them know that I'm by their side.
To let them know that the facade can be torn down and I will still proudly proclaim to all that they are my sibling IN CHRIST!
To let them know that their projection of their anger on bad days does hurt badly BUT I know that they can't control it and...
...... I will see the illness speaking... NOT my friend.
Supporting someone with bipolar for friends and family=